


Vigil

by HematiteBadger



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: F/F, Huddling For Warmth, Rome is the worst, for now at least, one-sided
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-05 03:41:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18357878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HematiteBadger/pseuds/HematiteBadger
Summary: A sleepless night is a good time to think.





	Vigil

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Smithybadger](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smithybadger/gifts).



"It's all right," Azu promised with a tiny, weary sigh. "Get some sleep if you can, Hamid. I'll take care of Sasha."

"If you're sure..." Hamid said, eyeing both Azu and her charge with great concern. There members of the party who had managed to make it back to their base of operations under their own power had collapsed almost immediately after doing so, and the realization that this was going to be another restless night seemed to be dawning on all of them. "I mean, if there's anything I can do..."

Azu shrugged off the last of her armor and waved a hand to quiet his restless nerves. "She just needs someone to look after her to make sure she stays stable. And someone to keep her warm.” She picked Sasha up, having set her down just long enough to remove her armor and feeling like even that was too long, and settled the unconscious woman in her arms once again. “I may not be at my best at the moment, but I'm still healer enough to manage that."

Hamid's eyes widened. "Oh, of course. I didn't mean to imply..."

"I know you didn't," Azu said, still quiet, still barely looking at him. "Get some sleep. We'll work it all out in the… we'll work it all out.”

Hamid didn't have the energy to argue further, which was a good thing because neither did Azu. She sighed as he curled up against her, trying to get comfortable -- Einstein was already firmly ensconced on her other side -- and attempted to follow his lead. She might as well settle in as best she could, even knowing as she did so that she wasn't going to be getting any actual sleep herself. Her night was going to be spent keeping vigil over the rest of them, and she would gladly stay awake for as long as was necessary to ensure that Sasha would wake up at all.

No, she couldn't think like that, couldn't let herself begin to worry even more than she already was. Sasha was _stable_. She was in no immediate danger, no matter how distressing her current condition might be, and she was going to stay that way as long as she had someone to keep an eye on her. Azu had to keep that at the forefront of her mind, had to stay certain that everything would be all right in the end if she just did her best. She tucked herself around Sasha's limp and unconscious form in the most comfortable and secure configuration she could manage, holding the other woman close to her heart.

It was the appropriate place for Sasha to be, as far as Azu was concerned. A physical representation of the metaphysical place she had occupied almost since the two of them had met. Azu raised a hand and brushed the dark hair away from Sasha's face, mindful of the blood and bruises that peppered her head and wishing helplessly that there was something she could do about that. _Aphrodite, are we truly that far out of your reach? Doesn't your realm extend to anywhere that love is present? Please, just grant me enough of your strength to grant comfort to someone I love._

The silence that followed was Rome's fault, Azu knew that. She hadn't somehow let her patron down and thus let down all of her friends, not to mention her loved ones and theirs. And she would keep reminding herself of that until she managed to truly believe it. Her faith had to remain intact, even if its object was too far away to accept it. And while she was trapped at this remove, all she could do was have faith in herself and those around her, the friends she loved and the people she was here to save. If she didn't have her divine abilities to draw on, she would draw on the ones that she brought to the table herself. Her fearless love. Her loyalty. And her prodigious ability to hug the hell out of anyone and everyone who needed it. And if anyone in this world had ever needed a hug from Azu, it was Sasha. She only wished that she might have been given the chance to fulfill that need under better circumstances.

Sasha was... prickly. Azu had considered many,  _many_  possible words to describe her over their short time together, and that one felt the kindest. Interacting with her was complicated and often confusing, and she seemed to be resistant to most forms of affection or caring. But at the same time she clearly felt the _need_  for that affection and caring; the way she stuck so closely to the small group of people she had chosen to trust was proof enough of that. She just had her own terms on which she was willing to accept affection, and even she didn't always seem to know what those terms were. For someone whose usual approach to getting close to people was to charge in wielding love and kindness with the same joyful force and fervor with which she wielded her axe, it was difficult for Azu to work out exactly how to respond to that. But she was, she hoped, making some progress, and so far Sasha seemed receptive to at least _some_  of her efforts. She didn't think it was _too_  much to hope that, with a bit of time and patience, and with the great fortune of her affections being returned in the same shape they had taken in her, there might come a day when she held Sasha in her arms like this once again, and Sasha was not only aware of it but welcomed it. It was something that Azu was only recently beginning to understand how much she wanted.

There had been warnings about situations like this back at the temple. It was, of course, the duty -- and the joy -- of a follower of Aphrodite to be willing to open their heart to everyone, and to recognize the need for comfort and healing and to provide it to the best of their ability. It was what came naturally to all of them, the one thing that they all had in common regardless of where they had come from or where their paths might lead. They were meant to care, and to love, and this was a great and noble thing. But the older, more experienced priests had been quick to caution the wide-eyed and eager novices under their care that it also carried risks. It was all too easy sometimes to confuse a desire to heal a wounded person with a desire for the person themselves, to mistake wishing to _open_ your heart to someone with wishing to _give_ it to them. Recognizing that someone had experienced nowhere near enough love in their life wasn't always the same as being the right person to give it, and forgetting that carried the risk of inflicting even further wounds on the hearts of everyone involved. Azu had little doubt that at some point she'd heard that warning, nodded quite attentively and vowed to take it to heart, and then completely failed to do so.

But she was also confident that that wasn't the case with Sasha. She _did_  want to heal Sasha of all the ills that had been done to her, and she _did_  know with absolutely no doubt that there had been a tragic lack of love in Sasha's life. But wanting to heal her and just _wanting_  her -- her companionship, her friendship, her love, whatever it was that she would be willing to give -- were two separate concepts, even if there was doubtless some overlap between them. Azu's slow-growing love for Sasha had little to do with what Sasha had endured and everything to do with what she _was_ . Persistent, loyal, brave, clever... for all that it took a bit of verbal dancing to find the right way to speak about some of her less charming traits, the only difficulty in describing her more positive aspects was choosing which ones to focus on first. And for all that she distrusted the world around her she was willing to at least _try_  to be part of it, and her unusual perspective and exceptional circumstances had undoubtedly changed Azu's life already, and Azu had confidence that the change would be for the better in the long run.

She realized that she was still fussing with Sasha's hair almost unconsciously, as if cleaning her up a little would somehow brush away the marks that the world and the day's events had left on her. For all that Azu knew that she was perfectly designed for her way of life, with its emphasis on swiftness and agility and going unnoticed, she still seemed so frail and delicate, even by human standards and even on her best days. At the moment, she reminded Azu of when they had first met, before the Heart of Aphrodite had brought her back to life. Fragile and almost grey-skinned, covered in scars old and new, still somehow managing to convey suspicion and wariness despite being completely out of it. From this angle, she almost seemed to be little more than a patchwork of marks of a difficult life of too much hardship and not enough kindness.

And yet, for all of that, she was still unexpectedly beautiful. For every scar, for every worry line that creased her forehead even now or dark circle that stood out under her eyes, there was a spark that shone through it. A slow-burning fire, the carefully concealed brightness of a soul that had endured every obstacle that it had come up against and had endured despite all the odds, had lived to fight another day and had chosen to keep fighting, no matter how many more scars it might produce. 

It was that glow, more than anything else, that told Azu that she wasn't making a mistake, that she hadn't confused duty and pity for love and pride. Sasha was something that she had never seen before, something bright and brilliant that she was privileged to have encountered, and no matter what else might happen or where it might lead, Azu loved her for it. And she would keep showing that, in whatever form Sasha was willing to accept it in, until there was a moment that was quiet and uninterrupted enough for her to actually _say_  it and see where they would go from there.

The chill in the air tried to wrap itself tighter around Azu, and in response to it she wrapped herself tighter around Sasha, holding her close and listening to her breathe. The air was cold, the room was dark, and somewhere in the distance was the waiting howl of something much more dangerous than the wind, but for just a moment Rome felt a little bit warmer, a little bit brighter, a little bit safer. For just a moment, the distance between here and home, and between here and where they were meant to be, was no distance at all.


End file.
